Porky's Place

Fat Englishwomen Blame Men

Are you an Englishman whose woman is a big fat cow? If you answered yes, not only are you unlucky but it’s also all your fault.

According to some shonky research by an insurance company called swiftcover.com, one of the main reasons the average Englishwoman looks more like Sarah Ferguson than Katie Price is that their men are making them “impatient”. This unbearable level of distress is in turn leading the gluttonous girlies into “comfort eating”, which is just a polite way of saying “Vegging out in front of Eastenders while stuffing several cheesecakes down yer gob.”

And what is leading to this epidemic of “impatience” amongst Old Blighty’s gals? Why, it’s that old misandrist standby of men not doing enough house work! According to the “research” …

“- 47% of women get impatient with untidy partners compared with just 25% of men
- 30% of women get impatient with partners that do not help out around the house, compared with only 10% of men
- 33% of women admit feeling that impatient has caused them to comfort eat, as opposed to just 18% of men”

The linked article then goes on to suggest several ways to reduce one’s “impatience” including, believe it or not, doing yoga while laughing like a loon ! Sounds like a good way to tear a muscle if you ask me, and if that won’t make you “impatient” then nothing will.

Here’s a much better way to deal with this pressing problem – stop being such fussy little creatures. Women who whine about these things often have an unrealistic standard of tidiness, one that has nothing to do with hygiene or not tripping over some shirts and diving headlong off a balcony, but rather with trying to live up to feminine ideals of housekeeping. As a rule of thumb, there’s nothing wrong with leaving the dishes till the next day, but on the other hand if you find there are mushrooms growing in your laundry basket, then it’s time to get busy.

And what the hell is Iggy Pop doing in these swiftcover.com ads? Sellout much? Christ, I know he made zilch from The Stooges, but couldn’t he find a more dignified way to make some cash than becoming an insurance salesman? Cleaning toilets perhaps, or wearing a clown costume and dancing in the street for pennies, anything but selling insurance!

More here.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

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