Porky's Place

The Stepford Girlfriend Is Born

The day when men will finally be able to cast off the matriarchal shackles of sexual need has been brought a bit closer with the unveiling of a creepy new sex toy – Roxxxy, the ultimate sex robot.

Revealed to the world at the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo in the shrine to tackiness that is Las Vegas, anatomically correct Roxxxy is a full sized robo-chick with built in AI which allows her to listen to your words and to talk back to you. Big deal, all women can do that, except for the listening of course!

Roxxxy can also be customized in terms of race, hair color, breast size etc, and is described by her creator and world-renowned mad scientist, Douglas Hines, as having “Robotic movement” built into her, errr, “three inputs”, by which I doubt he means USB ports. I’m not sure I like the sound of that, if this chick’s robotics are going to go all Westworld on you, you don’t want it to be while you have something of a sensitive nature near her “inputs”!

Personally, Roxxxy doesn’t look too good to me – her eyes are too high on her head, and her jaw looks like it belongs on a professional wrestler, but then i guess that’s what comes of having a motor inside your mouth!

Roxxxy does however come (sorry) with several different personalities, including a “Frigid Farrah” (most probably because a real frigid woman is such a devilishly rare creature ), and an S&M freak cleverly named “S&M Susan”! Presumably none of the five different personalities have been programmed to kick you in the nuts and take all your money, the kids, the cat, the dog and the house, so on personality alone Roxxxy is already ahead of  a significant proportion of real women!

At this stage I doubt many men would be willing to put out the 7 thousand clams required to get this rather freaky looking babe into their hot tub, but as time goes on these things will become more and more realistic, and just as with computers and DVD recorders the price will drop as the market swells and it will finally get to the point where for a couple of thousand dollars you can have a robotic porn star as realistic as the ones on your screen.  And I mean it when I mention the porn stars – it’s an obvious source of licensing income, especially once they’ve gotten too old to do the movies, just ask Chasey lain…

Even today’s dolls can be programmed with your likes and dislikes so it goes without saying that the same will be true for future versions, so not only will 2020’s version of your Chasey Lain, or Jenna Jameson or whoever be gorgeous, she will also be free of that annoying addiction to Desperate Housewives, preferring instead to watch the UFC and Football.

There are drawbacks of course, at one point Roxxxy’s creator Douglas Hines reveals that she can neither cook nor vacuum, but that’s alright, dude, neither can most real women.

More here.

Tags: Funny Stuff
Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

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